If Jesus returned in 2000, He would be wanted by...

If Jesus returned in the year 2000 and went about his ministry, He would be wanted and relentlessly pursued by:

  • The IRS for not reporting his annual income
  • The FDA for turning water into wine without a license.
  • The EPA for not filling out the appropriate forms revealing the precise location where some people are burning in hell.
  • The Occupational Safety and Health Administration for walking on water without a life jacket.
  • The AMA for practicing medicine without a license.
  • The American Psychiatric Association for healing depressed and psychotic people without a license, without psychobabble, and without charge.
  • The ACLU for praying in public places.
  • The NEA for prayerfully teaching without a certificate.
  • The sheriff's department for opening graves and raising people from the dead.
  • The county health department for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness without a license.
  • The Zoning department for building mansions without a permit.
  • The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals for driving pigs into the sea.
  • The fast-food industry for telling people to fast occasionally.
  • End-times prophets of doom for telling people to "be of good cheer and not to be anxious about tomorrow.
  • Psychoanalysts for telling people not to look backwards.
  • Self-esteem therapists for advising people to cultivate humility
  • Hollywood for suggesting that married men should not be chasing women other than their wives.
  • The National Organization for Women for calling only men among His Twelve Apostles and for calling God Father.
  • The television talk shows for refusing to be interviewed.
  • All warring nations and groups for speaking kindly of peacemakers.
  • Politicians of all parties for telling the truth.
  • Ministerial associations for preaching as a layman without a seminary degree.
  • All the haters of the world for telling them to love and to forgive.

-compiled by the editors of The Joyful Noiseletter from various known and unknown sources.