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Quotes & Quips for Your Enjoyment
Logic may or may not be present, but humor and enjoyment is!

If Jesus returned in 2000, He would be wanted by...

If Jesus returned in the year 2000 and went about his ministry, He would be wanted and relentlessly pursued by:

  • The IRS for not reporting his annual income
  • The FDA for turning water into wine without a license.
  • The EPA for not filling out the appropriate forms revealing the precise location where some people are burning in hell.
  • The Occupational Safety and Health Administration for walking on water without a life jacket.
  • The AMA for practicing medicine without a license.
  • The American Psychiatric Association for healing depressed and psychotic people without a license, without psychobabble, and without charge.
  • The ACLU for praying in public places.
  • The NEA for prayerfully teaching without a certificate.
  • The sheriff's department for opening graves and raising people from the dead.
  • The county health department for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness without a license.
  • The Zoning department for building mansions without a permit.
  • The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals for driving pigs into the sea.
  • The fast-food industry for telling people to fast occasionally.
  • End-times prophets of doom for telling people to "be of good cheer and not to be anxious about tomorrow.
  • Psychoanalysts for telling people not to look backwards.
  • Self-esteem therapists for advising people to cultivate humility
  • Hollywood for suggesting that married men should not be chasing women other than their wives.
  • The National Organization for Women for calling only men among His Twelve Apostles and for calling God Father.
  • The television talk shows for refusing to be interviewed.
  • All warring nations and groups for speaking kindly of peacemakers.
  • Politicians of all parties for telling the truth.
  • Ministerial associations for preaching as a layman without a seminary degree.
  • All the haters of the world for telling them to love and to forgive.

-compiled by the editors of The Joyful Noiseletter from various known and unknown sources.