Newletter Jokes Jokes for Your Enjoyment
Logic may or may not be present, but humor and enjoyment is!
This document was last modified 9/18/2015 1:49:17 PM

One Liners

  • 1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
  • 2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
  • 3. If you don't have a sense of humor you probably don't have any sense at all.
  • 4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
  • 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
  • 6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
  • 7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
  • 8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
  • 9. Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job.
  • 10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
  • 11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
  • 12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. for example, it could be the right number.
  • 13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
  • 14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.
  • 15. Be careful about reading the fine print there's no way you're going to like it.
  • 16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
  • 17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
  • 18. Money can't buy happiness but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a VW.
  • 19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead.
  • 20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind and the ones that mind don't matter.
  • 21. Life isn't tied with a bow but it's still a gift.
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