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But we can't trace them to their source. -- This document was last modified 10:47 PM 9/30/98

The Bible According to Kids

These cute statements were written by actual students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected:


  • In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
  • Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
  • Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
  • Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
  • Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
  • The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
  • Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
  • Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
  • Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
  • The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.
  • The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
  • The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
  • The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
  • Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
  • Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
  • The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  • David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
  • Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
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